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Breakdown

“You keep running after the love of the people, but you’ll never get it. And what you do get, will never be enough. The hole inside you is too big. You see, it was made by God, for God. How could anything less fill it?” -Yasmine Mogahed

Every time I’m disappointed, every time my heart breaks, every time I break down it is exactly because of Yasmine’s quote above. Every.single.time. You see the problem is that when I count on something that does not have the power to deliver, disappointment and heart-break is inevitable. Whenever I count on someone or something other than Allah subhanhu wa ta’ala I am taking a risk and that risk has consequences. It might come through or it might not. Whether it does or does not is strictly up to Allah.

So why is it that despite the fact of knowing this, I continue to place my hopes and dreams in these people or things? Why do I continue to place my bet on dunya, so to speak, knowing there is a HUGE chance I am going to lose? Nothing compares to the wisdom Allah provides. Allah the most high says in the Qur’an:

“O you who believe! Intoxicants (all kinds of alcoholic drinks), and gambling, and Al-Ansaab, and Al-Azlaam (arrows for seeking luck or decision) are an abomination of Shaytaan’s (Satan’s) handiwork. So avoid (strictly all) that (abomination) in order that you may be successful. Shaytaan (Satan) wants only to excite enmity and hatred between you with intoxicants (alcoholic drinks) and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance of Allaah and from As-Salaah (the prayer). So, will you not then abstain?”[al-Maa’idah 5:90-91]

Gambling is not exclusive to Las Vegas casinos.  The moment I start depending on someone other than Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, I’m placing my bet on dunya openly inviting shaytaan to wreak havoc in my life. Dependency on other than Allah, leads to disappointment which leads to hurt feelings which leads to arguments which leads to saying hurtful things (that I will most definitely regret later) and so on and so forth. I think you get my point. “So, will you not then abstain?” How many bets do I have to lose to realize that dunya will never win? When am I going to understand that Allah az wa jal is a SURE WINNER? Every.single.time. No betting needed.

“So avoid (strictly all) that (abomination) in order that you may be successful. Shaytaan (Satan) wants only to excite enmity and hatred between you with intoxicants (alcoholic drinks) and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance of Allaah and from As-Salaah (the prayer). So, will you not then abstain?”

I ask Allah to guide all of my brothers and sisters, as well as myself, so that we may be successful and for the strength to never allow anything to come between Him and us. Ameen!

There comes a point in time when you have to stop talking and start praying. You can only tell a person the same thing over and over and over again so many times until you breakdown. Today I brokedown and reached that point.  While my husband is an amazing person with great character at the end of the day he is still human and human = flaws. The good in him outweighs the bad by the tons, but shaytaan is pure evil with the keen ability to make me forget the good in the moments I need to remember them most. So inshaallah, I’m going to stop talking and start praying, stop counting on dunya and start counting only on Allah az wa jal. Ya Allah! Grant me the wisdom and strength to choose only the best of words when I speak. Ameen!

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2 responses to “Breakdown

  1. Walaykum!

    Thank you so much for stopping by! 😀 InshaAllah I will never judge you nor anyone one that comments or anyone in my life for that matter because I don’t want anyone to judge me. Here is how I see it: Polygyny is something that is very difficult to understand for those who are directly involved even more so for those who are not. The point of the post you mentioned was that many Muslimahs treat polygyny as if it were haram. I say this because the reaction they have is similar to what you said and how you feel: Polygyny would not work for me, polygyny is impossible, only great people such as Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) are capable of “treating the wives equally”, polygyny is not necessary in this day and age, yada yada yada. 😀 You also have cowives who treat each other horribly (read Sister Aminah’s story on the About page).The aim for treating wives equally is to do the very best you possibly can knowing that every single move you make is being recorded by Allah and you will be held accountable for them all.
    Allah says in the Qur’an: “Verily, We shall put you to test with some fear, and hunger, and with some loss of wealth, lives, and offsprings. And (O Muhammad) convey good tidings to those who are patient, who say, when inflicted by hardship, “Verily we are of God and verily to Him shall we return;” upon them is the blessings of Allah and His mercy. (Surat Al-Baqarah 2:155)
    So what all of that boils down to is that as a Muslimah, who is practicing Islam, I know that Allah subhana wa ta’ala is in control of EVERYTHING. I didn’t wake up one day and say ” I think today I’ll find me a married man and become his second wife.” I never imagined myself in this situation yet here I am. This is a test from Allah az wa jal.
    On another note, please know you can always come here to share your thoughts no matter what they are annnnndddd I love that you read about Islam 😉 Welcome to the blog and I hope to hear from you again soon!
    -K

  2. You are so welcome 😀 I love that quote too! It keeps me in check. I tend to expect SO MUCH from others to the point where it is unrealistic. Then I get dissapointed and wonder why does it hurt so much or “why are they doing this to me” but really I do it to myself for giving them that type of power in the first place. I ask God to give us the strength to rely as less as possible on other human beings and as much as possible on Him.
    -K

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