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Reality Check

This week is going to be interesting. We are still trying out different schedules to see what works best and this week will be the longest I won’t see my husband 😦  but I will get him back for the same number of days so that’s at least something to look forward to. 🙂 I do have to confess that as much as I try to be positive about my situation, I hate not being with my husband and there are times when my over thinking gets the best of me and I wonder what the hell did I get myself in to, If I even made the right choice. Polygyny is HARD. It has taken my patience, emotions, my mind to limits I had never reached before and the fact that this is just the beginning of my marriage scares the crap out of me. Where will I be, how will I feel/think 1 year from now? 5? Allah knows best. I was listening to a lecture that mentioned how men were away at war during the Khalifa of Umar ibn Al-Khaatab, radiallahu anhu, for long periods of time and due to the distress this caused their wives, he set a time limit of 4 months as the maximum amount of time a husband could be gone from his wife and Allah knows best. 4 months!!! AND they didn’t even want to come back because they were gone fisabilillah, for the sake of Allah. SubhanAllah I’m over here distressed over a few measly days and these women were really going through it… may Allah have mercy on us all. Sometimes A lot of times I need a reality check.

I do have a tons of things that I need to be doing with all my “free time” though and I really need to get it together inshaAllah. This is my list:

1. Practice reading Qu’ran (should be doing this all the time really)

2. Practice cooking

3. Excercise of some sort

4.Practice sewing (I’m dying to make my own abaya but that is another post for later 😉 )

5. Practice my blogging

Ok so maybe I don’t have as many things to do as I thought..lol. Well at least its a start. I have to make sure that I balance my life between my marriage and other activities that will bring me benefit, make me happy and feel fulfilled. Before I accepted Islam, all of my relationships consisted of only the well-being of the other person. Everything, and I mean everything revolved around them and their happiness. Obviously, none of those relationships worked. Now Allah subhanhu wa ta’ala has placed me in a situation where I am forced to balance my life and I need to take the opportunity to take care of myself and not focus on my husband so much that it becomes unhealthy. Now with all that being said I need to read and practice what I write lol. May Allah guide me and make it easy for me. Ameen!

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2 responses to “Reality Check

  1. Whether you have a husband who works 70 hours a week, travels for business, has another wife, or is in your hair all the time, the wisest thing you can learn how to do in marriage is to balance your time. You need time for yourself whether he’s there or not, so take the time you have to yourself to do things for yourself. You have some good things listed above, but also try to create a welcoming and accepting social circle for yourself. Pick up a hobby or two (I guess blogging and sewing might be hobbies), invite your girlfriends over for girl time, etc. You’re in a marriage where you already know that your husband won’t be able to place all of his focus on you, so you shouldn’t sit around waiting for the time when he’s able to do so.
    There are times my girlfriends and I wish to send our husbands away for a couple of days 🙂 so chin up…you can do this.

  2. Ok so I have a confession: I’ve never been in a relationship before that allows “me time”. This is the first time ever in my life that I’m with someone that takes me as their equal and doesn’t stick to me like white on rice AND that doesn’t demand that everything be about them. I do take responsibility for enabling that type of behavior and I cannot allow myself to sit around and wait for him or only feel good when I’m with him since that would be acting how I did in the past. Alhumdulilah I married my husband and not any of those other men. I love your suggestion about the social circle and I am actually working on that I just didn’t recongnize it as something to list at the time but it really is! THANK YOU. I needed that encouragement especially with this longer than usually stretch coming up.

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